Love and Reconciliation

No one enjoys getting in a fight with someone you love. May it be an I'm-right-and-you're-wrong fight with your sibling, a verbal battle of wits with a parent, or a jealous "my turn!" quarrel with a friend...it sucks. Sure, in the moment you're mostly focused on winning your argument, defending your stance, justifying a decision--but in the end, as you're resolved to not talk the rest of the day to that person, you're left with a terrible, unsettling feeling. Sometimes fights can be about keeping your pride in tact and remaining blind with anger, which keeps you from not wanting to reconcile. Yet, I'm sure all can admit that it's ideal to be in good standing with loved ones.

Sad feelings can be jumbled amidst anger and frustration. Most of the time the fight tends to deviate from the original dispute and you fight about stupid things that are not even the point. A huge mess ends up spilling all over the floor and it may feel like you don't even know where to start to get it cleaned up. If you hadn't already started crying during the dispute, tears would be forming at the sight of the mess before you. All you find yourself wanting is for things to return to how they were before any of the fight happened.

Now, I have a hard time letting things go--well, that's half the reason why fights start in the first place for me (and continue longer than they should). But in a different context, I have a hard time letting fights go, as in separating to cool off and walking away from each other before resolution has occurred. I hate being apart during a fight; I fear something happening and me regretting having left without making things right. Because of that fear, I want to fix things right then and there. I couldn't see myself having a fight with someone that lasts more than a few hours let alone something like a week. I couldn't do it. Even if it wasn't my fault and I shouldn't be the one apologizing, I would want apologize just so the fight could end before it could see the light of a few days.

Although last week, I got in a little fight with my fiance. The dispute occurred via text, as I headed to class. We went back and forth for a while, and he sent something I read right as class started so I had no chance of replying for the span of my hour and fifteen minute class. During this type of situation (as time passes without making up), normally I think of ways to try to calm the situation down, to bring us back to reconciliation over the silly little thing we were quarreling over. Instead, I composed different replies in my mind for when I'd get out of class since I wanted really badly to counter his statement at the time.

Then class finally ended and I brought out my phone to type up the mentally composed reply. I saw that I had a new message from him. Expecting something new to add to our fight, I read:

"I love you very much Emily."

I hate fighting, but I love resolution :)